Weasel Words (Bernard and Melody Capers Book 1) By Dale Lehman

Which one is the real weasel?

Suspect: To find a silver weasel and “return it to its rightful owner,” robbers Bernard and Melody Earls were given the assignment. They just care about staying alive as they bounce from party to party and evading capture, whether it be by the police, the family’s cutting-edge security systems, or shady old ladies.

Suspect: The snobby Plasketts, who are each named after founding fathers and mothers, are at each other’s throats over a silver pine marten. This pine marten sculpture is essentially worthless, but everyone agrees that it has enormous sentimental value.

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According to Bernard and Melody, its sole purpose is to enrich the Plasketts’ attorneys in small claims court. From Jimmy Madison to Alex Hamilton, the buffoonish Plasketts care little about anything but making each other jealous and throwing around their money.

Suspect: What exactly is a pine marten, and what does it have to do with the obscenely wealthy Plasketts? What is this sentimental worth that everyone keeps mentioning? Is it truly worth $7,000 for Melody and Bernard to get over Fitzroy Fortress’s impenetrable security system and put up with the five evil Plasketts?

This oddball robbery tale is absolutely hilarious. Despite a steady stream of temptation and inappropriate suggestions, our sticky-fingered characters are truly in love. They complement each other like peanut butter and jelly, working to gain access to the Plasketts’ inner circle while putting up with noisy neighbours and ongoing financial difficulties.

Melody and Bernard are equally attractive, for better or worse, and Bernard has the brains and Melody has the heart. Weasel Words is a pleasant delight because to its endearing array of colourful characters. I’m eager to find out what the Earls will do next.

About The Book

Those weasels are up to something…

Between them, Bernard and Melody Earls have looks, charm, brains . . . everything but money. That’s why they steal from the rich and give to themselves. So when Alexander Hamilton Plaskett hires them to nick a silver statuette of a pine marten from his brother Paul Revere Plaskett, they’re happy to oblige.

But it won’t be as easy as it looks. For one thing, the little beast is guarded by Fitzroy Fortresses, the best security system money can buy. For another, the five Plaskett siblings are obnoxious buffoons. Still, a job is a job, and this one may offer more than it appears.

At least, that’s Bernard’s theory. The pine marten isn’t particularly valuable, so why do the Plasketts contest its ownership so fiercely? To find out, he and Melody insinuate themselves into the Plasketts’ world and enlist a college geek to hack the unhackable Fitzroy system. Failure means poverty. Discovery means prison. And the biggest obstacle to Bernard’s brilliant schemes? Melody’s penchant for running off-script!